I posted on Twitter yesterday about how I was having a panicky day wondering how I would cope with a newborn as well as our toddler LB. I received some lovely replies and recommendations for some books to read on having a second child which I will definitely download and get stuck in to!!
I still feel I need to write down my feelings and concerns though because as much as I can’t wait to meet our new baby part of me is still terrified! I was desperate to grow our family and dream of having a big family but I think as it has got closer my hormones have started to get to me a bit.
My first concerns come from the guilt and fear of leaving my toddler. We have barely been apart for a few hours since she was born, so I have no idea how she’ll be when I go into hospital, even though she adores my mum and my hubby the thought of her wondering where I am breaks my heart. I had a quick labour last time and was home the same day I had LB so I just hope everything goes as well as it did with LB as I have no idea how I’d cope if I had to stay in hospital without her.
Then there is the fear of how our lives will change when the baby is born. I look at our life now as a family of three and can’t imagine being four, and even though I can’t wait I feel guilty to LB for changing the life she is used to. I remember feeling so drained and emotional and being a complete wreck the first week after LB was born, how will I get through this with a toddler too? How will I manage getting to grips with breastfeeding, being sore from stitches, lack of sleep, dealing with annoying visitors and feeling completely exhausted whilst at the same time trying to keep things normal for my darling daughter? Oh and there’s the fact that we have a business to run too and orders have to be packed every day, hubby can help at first and do the bulk of it but we have to get back into a routine of packing parcels for an hour or so each day pretty quickly.
The first few months of LB’s life were a complete blur, and things seem so easy now that I really am scared of going back to that newborn stage. I had a bit of an oversupply and was constantly damp and smelled of sour milk for a good few months into LB’s life. Breastfeeding went really well for us but was still very frequent in the early days and I hope I can juggle feeding and keeping LB amused.
I constantly panic about how LB will react to her new sibling, will she be jealous of me holding the baby all the time? Will she become difficult for attention? Will I resent that the baby stops me having so much time with LB? Will I resent that LB doesn’t leave me with much time to bond with the new baby?
And that’s just my worries about LB, without considering all my worries about the new baby and what happens if something goes wrong in labour or afterwards. What if they have health problems? What if I go into labour early?
I am lucky as DH works from home too so is on hand to help me a lot, but I worry about when he has to go away with work and how I’ll cope with being the only one who can feed baby in the early days where feeding is very frequent.
I know deep down that these fears are unfounded and I am sure we’ll all adjust quickly to a new routine but I felt I had to get these feelings out. I cried through writing the majority of this post and the relief in putting my feelings to paper has been immense.
Thanks for listening, and any pearls of wisdom on how to make the transition easier on LB etc are much appreciated