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I posted on Twitter yesterday about how I was having a panicky day wondering how I would cope with a newborn as well as our toddler LB. I received some lovely replies and recommendations for some books to read on having a second child which I will definitely download and get stuck in to!!
I still feel I need to write down my feelings and concerns though because as much as I can’t wait to meet our new baby part of me is still terrified! I was desperate to grow our family and dream of having a big family but I think as it has got closer my hormones have started to get to me a bit.
My first concerns come from the guilt and fear of leaving my toddler. We have barely been apart for a few hours since she was born, so I have no idea how she’ll be when I go into hospital, even though she adores my mum and my hubby the thought of her wondering where I am breaks my heart. I had a quick labour last time and was home the same day I had LB so I just hope everything goes as well as it did with LB as I have no idea how I’d cope if I had to stay in hospital without her.
Then there is the fear of how our lives will change when the baby is born. I look at our life now as a family of three and can’t imagine being four, and even though I can’t wait I feel guilty to LB for changing the life she is used to. I remember feeling so drained and emotional and being a complete wreck the first week after LB was born, how will I get through this with a toddler too? How will I manage getting to grips with breastfeeding, being sore from stitches, lack of sleep, dealing with annoying visitors and feeling completely exhausted whilst at the same time trying to keep things normal for my darling daughter? Oh and there’s the fact that we have a business to run too and orders have to be packed every day, hubby can help at first and do the bulk of it but we have to get back into a routine of packing parcels for an hour or so each day pretty quickly.
The first few months of LB’s life were a complete blur, and things seem so easy now that I really am scared of going back to that newborn stage. I had a bit of an oversupply and was constantly damp and smelled of sour milk for a good few months into LB’s life. Breastfeeding went really well for us but was still very frequent in the early days and I hope I can juggle feeding and keeping LB amused.
I constantly panic about how LB will react to her new sibling, will she be jealous of me holding the baby all the time? Will she become difficult for attention? Will I resent that the baby stops me having so much time with LB? Will I resent that LB doesn’t leave me with much time to bond with the new baby?
And that’s just my worries about LB, without considering all my worries about the new baby and what happens if something goes wrong in labour or afterwards. What if they have health problems? What if I go into labour early?
I am lucky as DH works from home too so is on hand to help me a lot, but I worry about when he has to go away with work and how I’ll cope with being the only one who can feed baby in the early days where feeding is very frequent.
I know deep down that these fears are unfounded and I am sure we’ll all adjust quickly to a new routine but I felt I had to get these feelings out. I cried through writing the majority of this post and the relief in putting my feelings to paper has been immense.
Thanks for listening, and any pearls of wisdom on how to make the transition easier on LB etc are much appreciated 
L x
I was exactly the same, it’s so hard to admit your fears and everyone just says ‘You’ll be fine, loads of people do it’! Like that helps!
I had O when W was 5, we’d had all that time of indulging him, him being the centre of everything. I was so worried I cried on a family at Parents Evening (embarrassing).
I just tried to make myself feel calmer by being mega organised, clothes out for the week, instructions written(!), explained as much as possible to W that I would be away at least 1 night (I was induced) and secretly panicked and fretted that it all might go wrong.
I can’t tell you to feel better because you won’t, just know that you’re not the only one who feels this way. I was a complete wreck but I did get through it and 8 months on, things are good. It does pass xxx
Thanks for your reply hun. Just sat down to read these properly now LB is in bed. Feels a lot better to know its normal. I went out for a few hours tonight for a pregnancy massage and hubby said she was asking for me but wasn’t upset. In some ways I think it might be easier if she was older as I’d be able to explain a bit more, but then again she might find it harder if she was older too as at the moment she’s quite easily distracted by Peppa Pig!
L x
Oh bless you. Its a lovely post, and I’m afraid horribly normal – or at least I felt the same. My children are now 7 & 4 and so he was 3 when she was born. In the run up to the birth I had terrible guilty feelings that I was somehow abandoning him for someone else! The first time I felt that guilt I remember clearly – he was still needing help with bottom-wiping and it had never phased me. BUT when I fell pregnant, whether it was due to the morning sickness, I could no longer wipe his bum without feeling so so nauseous. And that was it, I suddenly thought ‘this little baby growing inside me is already trying to push me away from him’! How mad is that.
When she was born those good ol’ hormones really kicked in – those ones that make you focus 100% on baby? That worried me, as I felt again that I was somehow pushing older brother away. BUT you can fight those raging hormones and take back control. I fought that urge to only have eyes for my baby and was able to spend great quality time with big bro. YOU ARE IN CONTROL!!
One of the pieces of advice that really helped with jealousy etc was that I pre-warned all my friends and family that when they came to meet baby to make sure that they first greeted and chatted to big bro, and not just dive straight in with coo’s and ah’s and all the attention on baby girl. They asked big bro to make the introduction too – saying ‘will you show me your new sister?’ so that he had a role to play.
Now they are great friends – they argue like all siblings, but when you see them cuddling up together on the sofa and hugging each other goodnight, well there’s nothing else quite like it!
I hope that helps. Keep posting xx
Yes I completely understand how you felt with the morning sickness, I felt awful then too for being pretty useless as I was so sick. Now I feel terrible that I’m so big I can hardly lift her and I can’t wait til I can give her a proper squeeze once the baby has been born!
Thats a good idea about pre-warning family and friends, I will definitely do that. I hope to steer everyone away as much as possible until things settle down for LB too. Urgh… I’m dreading all that having to deal with visitors again!
Your reply does help to make me feel much more sane so thanks for taking the time, L x
We are not the same mummy second time around; things that seemed extraordinarily hard the first time are well within your stride the second. Things you took for granted first time may not be repeated. But you WILL be stronger, more experienced and a better juggler just by virtue of having done it once before. LB is young enough that there will soon be a time in her life where she cannot ever remember what it was like to not have a sibling – and there is the advantage of your small-ish gap. Yes there will be hurdles, snatching, tantrums, tears. But you’ve already got your degree from the Universtiy of Mum and you can see it through. x
That’s something I’ve never thought of actually. I felt so clueless when we got LB home and could have done lots more to make life easier so having my second time mum’s bag of knowledge this time should help! Hopefully by having LB to carry on as normal for we will still feel somewhat normal this time too.
Your replies always make me feel so much better! I loved your post over at babyhuddle by the way, read it when LB was napping earlier but didn’t get chance to reply then so I shall revisit! L x
Thank you so much for writing this, everything you wrote is exactly how im feeling right now, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one, I don’t know how things will pan out I’m just remembering I used to panic about this when pregnant with my daughter and despite a few hurdles and bumps in the road, we made it work and I’m sure it’ll be the same this time too
I read a lot of other blogs and its been really nice to read ove the past few weeks when people have had their babies that they go on to say their fears were unfounded! I can’t wait to have both my girls now (overdue – number 2 does not seem to want to put in an appearance!) and am sure everything we worry about will be soon forgotten, all part of being a parent isn’t it! L x