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Do your kids have a bedtime? We have LB in bed for approx 7.30-8pm. We are not totally rigid and when we are out she is OK until a little bit later if necessary but we try to aim for around this time so she is not overtired and upset.
What I hate is being made to feel guilty for this. When we visit people and stay over or they stay here and I say I am putting my daughter to bed I am made to feel bad. They make comments like ‘Ahhh its a shame for her’ and ‘Do you still put her to bed really early?’. She goes down in her cot, I leave the room and she falls asleep without a murmur, its not like they witness me trying to force her to sleep and her crying for hours or anything!!
‘She doesn’t look tired to me’ is another one people often say – grrrr I know my baby! I know people are disappointed that they want to spend time with her but surely that’s better than a screaming and stroppy baby who would be fine after an hours nap.
What is the problem? She needs sleep, most of the time she has been dragged around visiting people all day and she is shattered. I am not being cruel by putting her to bed, if she stays up she’ll be cranky and crying.
When she is overtired I feel guilty, I know what she needs is sleep and its my responsibility to let her have that – she doesn’t choose to be out all day with little opportunity to nap. By putting her down for a sleep I am giving her what I know she needs.
I can deal with them making comments to me and let it ride over my head (and just rant here!), but I really worry this will rub off on my daughter as she starts to understand more. She is still a baby and I really don’t want to teach her that going to bed is a ‘bad thing’. I have seen first hand where parents use bed etc as a punishment and their children then argue and complaining about going to bed every night as they are used to it being a negative thing. I really don’t want to get into this.
When I tell her its bed time she gets all excited and rushes upstairs to find her cuddly toy, her dummy and brush her teeth and read a story. Its a lovely time of the evening not something I want her to think she can argue against and try to guilt me into letting her stay up.
Has anyone else experienced this and what did you do?
L x
I understand that the grandparents want t spend time with their granddaughter, but really begrudging her her bedtime is just ridiculous.
We have a bedtime for the twins, which is flexible when necessary, but bedtime for the boys is also “Ahhh peace and quiet time” for us, and no, I’m not changing things around to suit everybody! Might sound mean, but we have an open door at our house, if anyone wants to visit the boys they can do, just make sure you get here way before bedtime!
Anyway, your daughter will appreciate some routine and you’re the one who suffers if she’s cranky from lack of sleep whilst everyone else gets to slink off home leaving you deal with an overtired child.
You’re right when people choose to visit at those times they have to expect it. I do try and warn people if they say that are coming at 2pm that she normally naps 2-4ish so that they know and can come a bit later or earlier if they don’t want to miss seeing a lot of her – there’s no way I’d let her miss her nap she’d be a nightmare! L x
You shouldn’t feel bad at all, from now on when someone asks those questions just tell them “she is on a schedule and I would like to keep it that way” being on a schedule is best for every child and for parents too!! Don’t let their comments get to you, if they don’t like it that’s their problem, but only you know what’s best for your child!!
Yes you are right. I think the problem is that I need to be more assertive, our routine works brilliantly for us and I don’t need to be apologetic for sticking to it most of the time.
It’s a work in progress but hopefully I’ll get there! L x
Your house, your child, your rules. Starting good habits when kids are little is the key to a smooth running family life later on. If she knows what is expected bacause she hasn’t experienced otherwise, the odd late night will always be what it truly is, a treat. There is so much evidence about now that children don’t get enough sleep in our society. I know your relationship with them isn’t easy anyway, and that it must be hard to keep on asserting your perspective, but do so knowing that a sizeable slice of the blogging community is backing you up!
Thanks for all the comments its lovely to get a bit of moral support!! As I have said in the reply to the comment above I think its definitely about me being more assertive. I think If I said something at the time I wouldn’t let issues get to me so much but in the past I have kept quiet. I spoke to DH about it a few weeks ago about backing me up more and he admitted things like that really bother him too and he won’t leave it to me to be the bad cop all the time anymore! Yes I completely agree about the lack of sleep, my daughter is a different little girl when she’s not had a good nights sleep and a decent nap! L x